A little bit of this and a little bit of that...

Friday, August 11, 2006

So Long Farewell...

Everything that has a beginning, must come to an end. A line as cliched as the day is long. (Damn, another one. I'm on a roll here:) But still so true.

So, without further delay, I would like to announce that after quite a bit of thought, mine as well as those of you who expressed your opinion on the matter, i have decided to shift my digital domain. You can now find me at

espritnoir.wordpress.com

Before i leave this spot, that has been my "cyber space" for almost 2 years now, a confession. Earlier, whenever i read about people moving their blogs, or changing server space, or such things, i'd always wonder, "Why are they making such a big fuss about it?" I mean, its not like they're changing their real homes, and moving on elsewhere. Its just a bunch of keystrokes seperated by a couple of dots, and forward slashes. What's so different? Now, that i'm moving, i understand what it feels like. espritnoir.blogspot.com was like a starter home to me. I didn'y know anything about blogging before that, and it was a safe and simple house, in a nice friendly neighbourhood. The initial isolation soon gave way to the voices of friends, some known and others unknown, who grew comfortable enough to drop in regularly. Become a part of my life. Like in real life, slowly i realized that it was no longer a house, but a home. And leaving your home, real or cyber, is always a sombre experience. I dont know what i am going to do with this site as yet. I will keep it for now, and may decide to restart it again some other time. Time, as another cliche goes, will tell.

Poemer, Silverine, Ajeya, Smruthy, Nams, CG, RamblingMuse, Noojes...Thank you for dropping in so often. It feels great to have a voice, and be heard. (Thank you Poemer, for making me realise that). All you guys, "Me casa es su casa":) Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me thru your posts and your comments on my blog, and for respecting my thoughts. Hadn't it not been for you guys, i may not have even bothered to continue writing. Hope you find my new place, as intersting as you found this one.

And to all those of you who drop in occasionally, thanks to you too. Do keep visiting.

And without further ado, i ask you to update your address books.

For now, EspritNoir has left the building...!

espritnoir.wordpress.com

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Bandstand in the Rains...Again!

This happened about a few weeks ago. In fact, this was about two days after I was walking home in Bandra, that night a few weeks ago. For some reason, I never got around to posting it up before this. I may have gotten over the melancholy state of mind, I was in back then, but, this was nonetheless, a state of mind that I was in at one point of time. And, I thought I out to put it up…

I had my annual “Most Memorable Moment at Bandstand in the Rains For the Year” moment early yesterday morning. Nothing as fancy as I made it up to be, this is just one or two memories that I eventually end up with each year, at what’s probably my one refuge when this world gets too hard to handle. Sometimes, it’s a crazy moment, some times romantic, at times painful, or even just being at peace with myself, having a quiet walk in the rains. One time its almost been scary to the point of almost being suicidal. (Totally unintentional, I assure you, but very thoughtless and stupid in hindsight. I’ll tell you about that sometime else) But either knowingly or unknowingly, there’s always a moment, a memory that I closely associate with being at Bandstand in the rains, at least one each year, if not more.

To start off where it actually started, I was out for a friends sangeet party the night before, and late after the function was over, I was driving on home, and as you must have guessed it by now, its night, I’m driving, and its been too long since I’ve been there, so I just end up at Bandstand, around 11:00 in the night. The 3 days of incessant rains that have been lashing out against Bombay, had probably scared most people into staying home, coz even though it wasn’t raining right then, the promenade along the sea face at ’Stand, (as a good friend of mine refers to it), was practically empty. Just one or two stray couple here and there, probably residents from the buildings nearby, and me.

As I walked along the sea-face, something was gnawing at the back of my mind. Here, I was at Bandstand on a starless night, with the rains gently drizzling on my face and hands, and for once in my life, at what has become a home away from home, a private refuge at times, I wasn’t at ease. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, I remembered something that someone close to me had told me while back, what now seems like ages ago. Without going into the specifics, I’ll just tell you what she said. She had told me that she was glad that the next time I would go to Bandstand, I’d have a happy thought in my mind and a smile on my face. And although this wasn’t the next time, the thoughts racing through my brain right then, and the grim look I caught on my face a little earlier, when I accidentally glanced in the side view mirror of my car, made me stand up and take notice. I was at Bandstand and forget being happy, I wasn’t even the usual me.

Well, since it wasn’t quite the same, I decided to get out of there, far sooner than I would have wished. A troubled sleep later, the next morning, I woke up listening to the rains lash out against the french windows of my room that led to the balcony. It was raining in torrents. And before I had completely opened my eyes, and kissed goodbye to the woman in my dreams;), I had made up my mind to be at Bandstand that morning. Twenty minutes later, I was at Bandstand, a lone figure, nobody around for miles, looking out into the raging sea.

I have no idea, what prompted me to do it. Maybe the need to get rid of all my frustration, maybe the desire to feel alive, or maybe just plain insanity. But in that torrential rains, I stepped off the paved promenade, and hesitantly started walking on to the jagged rocks towards the waves that were crashing in just a few feet away. Not a very smart move to do in normal circumstances, especially when you are wearing floaters, that are about as helpful as flip flops in getting a grip on the wet and slippery rocks, but absolutely insane when its raining like the end of the world, and the wind is threatening to take you places, very much like a plastic straw in a tornado. A slip here and there would have meant a brief stint of compulsory bed rest at home, with quite a few bruises in the most tenderest of places. Maybe even a fracture or two. But to those of you who’ve been there and done that, I’m sure you’ll understand that at times and places, reason ceases to exist. So there I was, standing on the rocks in the pouring rains, the waves crashing into the rocks at my feet, getting drenched by the minute. And the whole moment was so huge, one of those brief moments which seem larger than life itself, that believe it or not, I started to sing! My body was having a tough time holding still and keeping my feet on the ground, and my heart wanted to sing! Truth be told, its an amazing feeling, singing at the top of your lungs, completely off key, with nobody to judge you. Unless you consider the waves, and the rocks as an audience, that is. There I was drenched to the bone, singing out rain songs at the top of my voice.

“Rain … Feel it on my finger tips feel it on my window pane… your love is coming down like… RAIN!!!” Madonna…

“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, it’s not warm when she’s away…this house just ain’t no home anytime she goes away…” Al Green…

“She’s a good girl, loves her mama, loves Jesus and America too…” Tom Petty…

“A love struck Romeo sings a street style serenade…”Dire Straits

“Raindrops keep falling on my head…” B J Thomas

“Hope you’ve had the time of your life…” Green Day

“Born to be wild…” Steppenwolf

I could have stood there singing all day. (Bad singing is addictive, I must say. Try it sometime. But only when you’re alone:) Just stand there, nobody around, feel slightly like a complete lunatic. And not care as to who was thinking what. (It helped a lot that there was nobody around to care a damn about). And as my brain scanned an imaginary playlist in my mind, as to what song to sing next, I realized how lonely I felt all over again, but yet somehow, how completely alive.

I must have felt like that after ages. And then, I realized something that day. Something I had learnt the hard way over several years ago, and now again. In joy, you run the risk of merely existing, living in a state of constant euphoria. But, in grief, you are truly alive. In pain, in sorrow, you feel the systematic throbbing of every painful heartbeat. You listen to every dejected sigh you release. You feel the passing of each moment of your life. You actually feel the pain swelling up inside your heart, transform itself into an uncontrollable urge to cry out in anguish and make its way to your throat, only to die a silent death, when you are forced to suppress it, lest the world mocks you in your hour of anguish.

That realization in place, I realized that the crazed off-key singing was merely a way to release the pain I was feeling within. A cry turned to a song. And as with crying, the more I sang, the better I felt. It was a completely unexpected release of emotions. And I stood there, my voice completely drowned in the roaring of the wind and the crashing of the waves.

I must have stayed there like that for over an hour. Finally, the realization that I had a wedding to attend in a couple of hours, made me turn my back to the most appreciative audience I had ever had. I turned away, carefully walked towards the promenade, desperately hoping that I didn’t trip and break my head or something. As I stepped back on solid ground, something made me turn around. It must be a crazy thing to comprehend, but I bowed down to the waves and the rocks. A gesture of thank you to nature for accepting me, and for giving me a memory that I will live with forever. And a smile once again.

Just one more reason what makes Bandstand so special to me.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Blogger v/s WordPress

Well, some of you must have noticed that the formatting of all my posts has suddenly gone haywire...blame wordpress for that. was trying to transfer my posts to wordpress when blogger was down in india, and something glitched and the formatting went kaput!

so, ppl, here's a quick decision you need to make...check out my other site, at espritnoir.wordpress.com ; it has exactly all the posts that are on this site, but in a different template...which one do you like better? send in your votes, and that will decide whether i switch over to wordpress, or stick with blogspot...personally, i like the gui of blogger, but the overall look and feel of wordpress...i think i'd vote for wordpress...but i wont count my vote (unless its a tiebreaker:) so, you have a week's time...come sunday next, i will take a count, and take a call...

ab faisla janta ke haath main hai (translated : the decision is now in your hands)

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Last Things Last...

Recently I did something for the last time. Well, maybe for the last time, I don’t know as yet. Apparently, only time will tell. That’s something that’s been on the back of my mind for a while now. And may remain for a while, I can’t say. But, getting to what I wanted to talk about, the worst part is that when I did it, I didn’t know it was the last time I would be doing it. Or I would have wanted to stay in that moment for eternity, never letting it go. This morning, on the bus ride to work, in between typing SMSs to a friend, it got me thinking. How many times would we do things differently had we but known that the next time we do something, may be the last time we ever get to do it.

Our lives revolve around firsts. We spend so much time thinking about the first time we do things – the first steps of a baby, the first time you ride a bicycle, your first crush, your first kiss, your first true romance, your first job. It’s first everything. But nobody every bother to think about the last time we do things. The last time you said “I love you” to somebody special. The last time you held somebody close in your arms, just wanting to be stuck in that moment forever. The last time you took in the whiff of somebody’s just washed hair, and thought that was the most memorable scent in the world. The last time you told your parents you loved them. The last time you touched the feet of your grandparents, because you wanted to and not because you thought that would make them happy, and that would let you get away without calling them for ages again. The last time you thanked your friends for being there, every time you needed them, and even the times you thought you didn’t, and asked them not so nicely to get lost, but they still came around when you broke down. The last time you laughed like there was no tomorrow, and the last time you cried your broken heart out?

The problem with lasts, is that its almost always in retrospect. You’d be extremely lucky in life if you knew that something was going to happen the last time ever. But if you did know, how would you react if you knew what you are about to do, you may never get to do again. Would that knowledge affect your actions? Would you let go of that person in your arms as easily, or would you hold them back forever, never wanting to let go? Would you still maintain a dignified formal distance from your parents or would you tell them you love them for everything they’ve ever done for you. Would you tell your grandparents how much they mean to you? Will you still hold a grudge against your friends, for that misunderstanding so many years ago, or will you be man enough to call that somebody up and say hey, its over now, lets put all that hit behind us?

Go on, try changing your perspective from “Firsts” to “Lasts”. I did it for a moment this morning, and my perspectives changed on a lot of things. About things that mattered and how much they mattered. It may change the way you lead your life, help you shape a better tomorrow. In the words of the immortal Tyler Durden from Fight Club, “Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessle's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever had.” (You have to see the movie to understand this)

I don’t know whether what I did I will ever get to do again. Like I said, it may have been for the last time, but I don’t know. All I can do is hope for the best, and expect the worst. Only time will tell which of these comes true. I know one thing for certain. For all it was worth, it was worth all the while…

Written : July 8, 2006. 8:13am
Posted : You can check the timestamp!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

Midnight. 5 large Bacardis down. A lone figure, in the rain, walking down home on the streets of Bandra. Sober as a rock. If ever there was a movie setting in real life, this was it. I can almost hear the background score in the movie scene. Bill Withers. Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone. Or maybe U2. With or Without You. Tanhayee. From Dil Chahta Hai. In such a setting, how is a man not to think about his future? Of all the choices that lie ahead. Of the choices he must make. Not only necessary. But inevitable. Choices that he cannot share with others, for fear of being outed, or being compromised in any way. Choices that must stay deep within, coz uncovered they could unleash hell.

One can measure the depth of the ocean. Measure the distances between the satellites. Over 90 years later, they can tell us how fast the Titanic sink that cold, ill-fated night. But, how does one evaluate the veracity of the real things that matter? How many moments of joy were forever extinguished that night in 1912. The truth in a sentence spoken either in haste, or maybe even with much thought, without realizing as to what may be the possible consequences? How can we ever test the veracity of true emotion? What one feels? What one desires and to what extent? What causes happiness and what causes pain? How does one alienate oneself from all these? Can one alienate oneself from all of this? Is it possible to be human and continue to live within the confines of the same old prison walls called life. Or does one give up all hope and exist as a rock? How does one compare the euphoria of having lived ten days, with the banality of having existed the rest of your life?

Unfortunately, life is not a buffet table. One cannot pick and choose what one wants, and what one likes. It’s a fixed price menu, you get a few things. Predetermined. Its either this or that. Mashed potatoes or fries, on the side? Shake or a cola, with that? Not both. Never both. But the heart is unreasonable. Deep down, it wants it all. But, how can one tell what the heart truly wants?

If one can't tell what the heart truly wants, one just lives with one’s shallow choices and moves on...

Friday, June 09, 2006

Have You Found Your Calling Yet ?

Lunch hour today found me standing all alone in lunch queue at the canteen. My regular lunch buddies were occupied elsewhere, and it was after a really a long time, that I faced the prospect of having lunch alone. Not that I had a problem eating lunch by myself, in fact, I was hoping that I wouldn’t bump into some colleagues who’d ask me to join them. As those of who know me, or have read my blog long enough will know, I rather prefer to be myself, than be social at times I’d rather not. Anyways, I had some things running in the back of my head for the past few weeks, and I needed some time to sort them out. Lunch was as good a time as any other. So, I stood in the short line to pick up my daily dose of “Diet Lunch”.

As I was just loading up my tray with veggies and soup, I noticed the CMD’s Personal Assistant, an extremely efficient and eternally busy lady (and mostly justifiably so), right in line after me. Talking with her is always a pleasure, and we exchanged a few pleasantries and I moved along looking for a quiet corner in the canteen. Picked up my table, and I sat on my chair, thinking back to the days when I had just joined the company. At one point of time, as a newbie, still wet behind the ears, I was mortally petrified of the woman. And looking back, as strange and funny as it sounds, I realized that what had scared me the most was nothing more than the pace of her voice, a super fast rapid express that seemed to rattle off things that needed to be done, and had to be followed up. Back then, I was so scared that on one of the few occasions that we did interact, I wouldn’t be able to keep pace with what she was saying, and would have to ask her to repeat her point, and that would most definitely get me kicked out off the company, for glaring inefficiency. I dare say, back then, I wasn’t so ever in awe of the company’s CMD, an excellent and amazingly humble human being, as much as I was in awe of her.

However, as I got to know the CMD better, and my respect for him grew, I realized that being PA to one of the most sharpest and finest human beings I have ever met, or will ever meet, is not an easy job at all. It took me months, to realize that the pace of her voice was probably just a reflection of how many things were in her mind, at any given point of time. And to get them all done, they had to be done fast, and hence they had to be spoken fast. And the few times that I did ask her to repeat something I had missed out on, she would just smile, and say it over again. So my job was safe:) And the few times that I’v interacted with her over the years, whenever she needed some document printed in a particular way or was stuck with some website, and asked me for help, I found her ready with a smile, and a helpful comment or tip, and a prompt thank you. And so, over a period of time, she has became one of the few people in office I genuinely like interacting with.

So, even though I had a bit of thinking to do, I was quite glad when she came over and sat down at my table for lunch. The last time I had bumped into her was incidentally, when we had met at lunch in the canteen over a month or so ago. Back then we had been discussing, among other things, “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, the movie, and some interesting blogs that she had been reading. Taking a cue from our last conversation, I was telling her about some movies I had seen recently, and she told me about some new interesting blog she had been hooked on to. Casual conversation, when one thing led to another, and suddenly the conversation took a turn, and she asked me “Do you know what you really want to do with your life? What you want in life?”

Truth be told, at this moment in life, I’m not really sure of what I want in life : professionally, personally and even emotionally. But, whenever somebody asks me that question, I have several escapist answers all ready as a comeback. “Money! The rest all follows!” or “Sushmita Sen as a permanent girlfriend”. The quips are endless, to avoid telling the embarassing truth. But for once, I found myself telling her the truth. “I really don’t know, as yet. I know its probably a shameful thing to say that at the age of 27, but I'm still uncertain of what I want, and that’s just the way it is”.

She looked at me, gave me a conspiratorial look, ducked her head slightly toward me, and said, “I must be quite a few years elder to you, but to tell you the truth, I still havn’t able to decide what I want out of life.” And she smiled.

“Well, that just makes the two of us, then. But you know what, I think the fact that we both don’t know what we want, makes us better than the sorry folks who even know they could be looking for something. At least, the knowledge that we don’t know what we want keeps us searching. Better off knowing that you need to find something important to keep you going in life and not being able to find it, rather than going through life not even knowing you could have had something important.”

“That’s a really good way to look at it. I think I’ll keep that in mind”.

And I knew then that I was in good company. If one of the most formidable women I know - to use a clichéd, but apt, term to describe her, “A Woman of Substance” – could admit that, I wasn’t at all off the mark. Reminded me of a line from the Baz Luhrman song "Everybody is Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" -

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.


Well, here’s hoping that everybody who’s unsure of what they want, but is at least looking for it, find their true calling in life. And, to those unfortunate souls, who have gone ahead and achieved all the success and glory they desire, but are still not sure why they’re not satisfied, all I can say is “Stop being an ostrich! Get your face out of the ground!”

Adios, amigos…

Saturday, June 03, 2006

All You Who Sleep Tonight

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

- Vikram Seth

I came across these words recently, as the result of a wonderful chain of reactions set in motion a long time ago. The realization that somebody could be so thoughtful, and in an age so frightfully self-consumed, so concerned, to share “mental” and “emotional” space and time with somebody they care about, leaves me awed.

Ah, to love and be loved unconditionally. In all its forms : as lovers, family, as close friends. Undoubtedly, the greatest high one can achieve…

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Tagged…

Ok, I’ve been tagged. Well, not exactly, but I picked this one up from Silverine’s blog. The idea is to list down 10 simple things, that give you great pleasure. So, here goes my list, or as Julie Andrews put it so well… “These are a few of my favourite things…”

1)Time spent beside the ocean. Maybe by myself, or with someone who understands the volumes spoken though comfortable silences…(Preferably the latter)

2)Calvin and Hobbes. I could just spend hours and hours reading the strips. And all over again. I think that’s possibly one of the cleanest, funniest, and yet most thought provoking comic strip / part of literature (I don’t think it’s any less than Literature) ever.

3)Listening to some great music while I’m out for a long drive at night, just trying to sort things out in my mind, or just for the fun of it. As an extension, just going out for a long drive, on a good clear road. I love it when the weather’s just right, so that I can roll down the windows, and hear the whooshing sound of the wind as it rushes past my ear.

4)Rains and everything associated with it. Getting wet in the first rains after a long and hot summer in Bombay. Petrichor – the fragrant scent of the wet earth, after the rains. Coffee and bhajiyas in the rains. The crazy romantic ideas that enter my mind in the monsoons. Watching the turbulent waves smash against the Worli seaface promenade in the rains, and rise high up in the air, and come splashing down on the adjoining pavement. I love almost everything.

5)The warm touch of paper after it has just come out of an laser printer. I just love holding a sheaf of printed papers just out of a laser printer, especially on a cold day.

6)Reading something really well written and heartfelt. Whether it’s a short fairy tale for adults (“The Little Prince”) or a Byron poem (“When We Two Parted”) or a mournful song for the dead beloved (Song IX by W H Auden. “Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone…” The one used in the film “Four Weddings and A Funeral”) And even more so, when you can really feel the emotion the author was going through when it was written, as you transpose your own similar experiences on to the words on paper.

7)Lying back on my back on the highest point of my building terrace, the water tank, at night, from where all I can see is the sky above me. Nothing else comes in the periphery of my vision. The calming effect of seeing nothing but the stars in the vast inky blue and black expanse above, is almost therapeutic.

8)The smell of freshly baked pav (an Indian bread, something similar to the western bun), just out of the oven. Buttered pav and fresh eggs, sunny side up, is the perfect combination for Sunday breakfast.

9)Checking my email, and finding an unexpected mail in there, from somebody who has been out of touch for so long. Or finding 3 (or even 1) new comments on my latest blogpost. Either ways, it feels good to know that somewhere, somebody tried to reach out to you.

10)Being able to sleep in on a working day, when I don’t have to go to work till lunch.

That’s it for me. I’m sure I’ve missed out on a lot of things, but I only had 10 to write about. This tag is open to everybody who wants to have a go at it. Do try it. It’s not as simple as it sounds, but you do get a chance to think about all the things that you really like a lot.

Hope you enjoy thinking about your favourite things…

Road Trip Part 2

(Apologies for posting this so late...Hope you enjoy this...!)

Afternoon siesta over, all of us men who had stayed behind for the night, decided to get some shopping done ahead of our impending trip to Patan, the town where the engagement was the next day. No ladies or kids in tow, six men – three of us cousins, our two uncles, and one extended family member - decided to explore Baroda in whatever little time we had. So we drove around the market place, looking for sweets to carry for the engagement, and kolhapuri chappals and mojaris (traditional types of Indian footwear) to go with our Indian ethnic wear for the ceremony the next day. One of our uncles, a local, took us to this small dim lit lane, where 3 or 4 footwear vendors had their displays lined up on the pavement. After haggling for what seemed like hours, between the six of us we got nine pairs of mojaris and kolhapuris. I think the guy shut his shop early that night. Shopping in Gujarat without haggling is like killing the joy out of shopping. Gujaratis, like the Chinese, just love a good bargain. I think they love bargaining, more than the sale or purchase itself. I have come to a conclusion that if they don’t haggle, both the buyer and the seller feels cheated out of some great exotic pleasure that they would have otherwise derived from the sale. But I’ll get into that some other time. Time to move on.

One thing I must confess here. There’s a certain thing about small towns that I really like. They always have a unique flavour of their own, a local charm, if you will, that makes it stand out from the rest. Especially to an outsider from a city like Bombay. A metropolis can undoubtedly serve you everything you wanted on a platter, but almost always at an intangible cost for your dreams, a hidden cost that is dearer than the tangible price you pay for it. Bombay can make you emotionally jaded at times. I’m not saying the city hasn’t got a spirit; a true Bombaite / Mumbaikar will never accept that. Scrape off the grime and dirt, and underneath it all, the city is all heart. It’s just that amidst the daily race for survival, the small things get hidden beneath the millions of masks the people have to change everyday. That’s something you don’t have to worry about in small towns. Sometimes, small town do change their original personality and start losing touch with their own identity, and that’s a sad thing to happen. In my opinion, it happened with Pune, though I’m sure more Puneris will not agree. But I don’t see that happening with Baroda. Well, not yet anyways. The quaint little town, like so many others in small town India, seems to have sprung up overnight, instead of being built with thoughtful planning. And as a consequence, it still retains an old town feel and look to it. It may have been possible that only the area I saw in the twilight was that way, the rest of the city may be different altogether. Maybe I will go there again sometime, and write some more about it. Definitely in the winters. No more Gujarati summers for me.

Well, come Sunday, and we were to leave at 5:30 am, but a funny incident (funny, only in hindsight) involving my cousin, the bathroom and an overflowing tap that refused to be shut, and soon threatened to flood the house behind us delayed us by almost an hour. Put six men in a bathroom with faulty plumbing – mind you, none of us have every fixed anything beyond a loose TV remote battery cover in our lives - and suddenly everyone’s an expert plumber. Thirty minutes trying to fix the leak, but no success. Somebody suggested shutting off the main water supply. No such luck, that doesn’t work. Back to trying to fix the tap. Its now an ego struggle between the lifeless tap and the men who won’t give up. Tried stuffing the mouth of the tap with a cloth but the mouth’s too narrow. Back to the wet drawing board we went. In the midst of the chaos, my uncle and cousin managed to knock off the tap with a wrench and spray the water all over the bathroom and beyond, effectively giving the rest of us a second shower. Finally we plugged the pipe with a thick piece of wood, in a move that involved cutting off a branch of a tree in the courtyard, with a Swiss Army Knife! This reduced the flow of water to a harmless trickle. Ten minutes spent congratulating each other on a job well done and passing out the cigars, and twenty minutes cursing the guy who messed around with the tap in the first place, when we finally realized we were behind schedule by over three quarters of an hour.

Finally, 6:40 am on Sunday morning, we left for Patan, where the engagement was to going to start at about 10:30. Four hours to go, and having been told that the distance between Baroda and Patan could be done in 2.5 hours tops, we were relaxed. So, we start off in shorts, t-shirts, and floaters, generally looking like a bunch of yuppies in search of a watering hole on a Saturday night in Goa. We’ll get there and change, no big deal. Well, that was the plan anyways.

So, we were finally off. The journey to Ahemdabad was pleasant, and fast, as it was an expressway all the way through. The fun began after A’bad, where we realized that none of us knew the road ahead to Patan. Well not exactly anyways, we had been asked to ask directions and find our way. So, after the first turnoff out of the expressway, we look around for people to ask for directions. 6 guys, mind you, asking for directions. This is bound to get interesting.

As we pass through ‘The City of Flowers’, Gandhinagar, the capital city of Gujarat, we look around for somebody to ask the directions. First guy we meet, we roll down the windows and ask him for directions. Well, at least my uncle from Bombay did. Let me tell you one thing about my uncle. He is one of the coolest dudes around. Real fun to be with on most occasions. And quite sporting. And claims to speak Gujarati. When I say that, I mean he speaks Gujarati the way people say Arnold Schwarzenegger can act. Ask Arnie goes beyond “I’ll be back”, he’s quite entertaining to watch. Totally unintentionally, of course. Same’s the case with my uncle. He speaks the Bombay version of Gujarati, which is a bastardized mix of Hindi, Marathi with a smattering of Gujarati thrown in as a garnish. It’s miles and miles away from the actual dialect spoken by Gujarati people in remote interiors of their home state.

So, a conversation between my uncle and the locals we meet along the way goes something like this :

Uncle (with a cocky grin on his face, stating “I’ll have us on the right way in a moment”)
Avo, Patan jane mathe kauno rasto che? Rough translation : “Sir, What road goes to Patan?”

Villager : weofpw ejpjwfwfmfmwe j fpwefpw ejewfk wfwjefwekm dk. Saamjhi gyo?
Translation : There is none. My uncle is completely taken aback by the volley of Gujarati that the guys just threw at him. But to save face, he pretends he’s understood everything, and smiles back to him, and says, “Okay, now I know where we are. Move on ahead, and I think it’s the next left turn.”

So, we roll up the windows and move on ahead, hoping that what my uncle “translated” was right. After one and a half hour of asking directions in Gujarati, and driving numerous locals up the wall with our absolute understanding of their language, we were hopelessly sidetracked. At that point, two HUGE truths came and struck us bang smack in the face.

One, this uncle couldn’t understand one word of the super fast-paced Gujarati dialect that these guys spoke!

And two, sleeping in the back seat of the Scorpio, was our uncle from Gujarat, who spoke and by that logic, presumably also understood, the local dialect! In the midst of all our idiocy, nobody had thought of getting him to ask the directions!!!

After individually hitting our foreheads with our hands, the rest of us finally woke him up, and told him what he needed to do. The hero that he is, he put his head up, mumbled something in Gujarati, (and when the other uncle didn’t understand a word that he said, we knew that we had found the right man for the task!), and promptly fell back to sleep again.

A few minutes later, the hysterical ranting of the rest of us brought him around, and he finally got up, and asked some people around for some help. And got us on track. And promptly fell back to sleep.

With all the diversions, and tea breaks and other nuisances, by the time we saw the first milestone, that said “Patan : 20 kms”, it was almost 10:10. The women, who were already at the venue, had been calling us every six and a half minutes, since 9:00 am, trying to figure out where we were. The engagement was about to start in about 20 minutes, and we were still on an isolated piece of road, about 15 kms away! God, were we in trouble!

As we were getting closer to the final destination, horror of horrors, we realized that we were still dressed in almost our chaddi – baniyans, and dared we enter the engagement like that we would most definitely be quartered and killed, first by the girl whose engagement it was, and then what remained would be fed to the dogs by our respective family members.

So, there’s only one thing to do. Desperate situations call for desperate measures. We found the next isolated spot on that road, and possibly for the first time in the history of Patan, six grown men, discarded their yuppie fittings, for ethnic formal wear, about 10 inches off the road! Our modesty was only protected by the limited cover offered by the SUV, and the assorted trees and shrubbery around. I’m sure the couple of locals who passed us along the way, probably thought we were either a bunch of lunatics, who got our kicks out of undressing in public, or a bunch of thugs changing into our costumes before pulling a heist on the local petrol pump. The fact that we stood there in our shorts and ganjis, hooting and waving out to them as they passed us, didn’t help higher us in their esteem either.

So, a result of quick thinking, and making the great wide Patan landscape our changing room, combined with some deft driving on the last stretch of our journey, to avoid some cattle, goats and other assorted four-legged beasts, who came out of nowhere to try and delay us further, we reached the venue with five minutes to spare. From then on, things flowed along smoothly, the engagement went off great. Lots of photos, lots of sweets, and tons and tons and tons of ice cream. I have never seen so much ice cream being fed to somebody as the couple was fed by all the family and friends. In all I think they must have been forced (very lovingly, and all in jest, off course) to gore down about 2-3 litres of icecream. God, if I ever get married in Gujarat, I’ll make sure there is no ice cream on the menu. Or aamras for that matter. At all!

Well, from there on, things were quite sedate. In the evening, we said our goodbyes to the other family, and took proper directions from them to find our way back. Luckily, they gave direction in Hindi, so everybody understood, and we managed to make the journey back to Baroda quite smoothly.

A night halt at Baroda, and the next morning, we left for Bombay. Nothing much to report there. After 2 days of driving in the sun, running around to find chappals, packing gifts, fixing overflowing taps, dressing up on the roadside, too much of icecream and aamras, and of course the engagement, we were all pooped out. All in all it was great fun. When all of us family meets up, there’s never a dull moment, and this road trip was no exception.

The only thing that kind of put a damper on spirits was a news that we got on our way back to Bombay. Soon after we had just crossed over to Maharashtra, I received a phone call from my mom, who had flown back to Bombay the earlier evening, to check up on us. Apparently, a couple of hours after we had left Baroda, some communal tension had sprung up there, and a curfew had been declared in parts of the city. Over the next few days, lives were needlessly lost in the city, as the dark side of humanity raised its ugly head. Sad, how some places and people that seem so simple, and welcoming one day, can suddenly turn into cold and heartless, in such a short time. All my sympathies to the innocents that got in the crossfire.

Well, that’s about that. The wedding’s probably going to take place in December in Bombay, so there may be no road trip. But all of us will be getting together once again, and I’m looking forward to all the craziness then…

Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Odd One Out…

(Apologies for not putting up the conclusion to the Road Trip first. For starters, it's just not shaping up the way I wanted it to. In the meanwhile, what follows next happened over yesterday and this morning, and like so many other pieces before, just wrote itself;)

“Excuse me, sir, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but do the digits in your birthdate add up to the number 2?”

I turned to the side, and saw this 18-19 something young kid, in a bright red t-shirt, with a 3 day stubble on his face, looking at me, as if his whole life depended on my correct answer to that question.

“Actually, no, it doesn’t.” Well, if this guy was a numerologist or something, he’d have to do a lot better than that.

He looked at his watch, seemed to do some calculations in air, and then asked me again. “Is it 8 then? Or 6 maybe?”

When he realized he had them all wrong, he finally asked me what the correct answer was. I told him.

“That’s the first time ever that I’ve got the wrong answer.I don’t understand it.”

“Well, don’t cut yourself up too much over it. I have known to be a walking contradiction to those who know me. I can’t claim to know things about myself, so I really don’t blame you anyway. Nice try, though.”

What else could I say? I mean, here I was, on a Saturday morning sitting on a stone platform at Bandstand promenade, watching the waves lapping at the rocks 5 meters away from me, and this kid who’s been sleeping on the stone bench suddenly gets up and asks me what he did.

Now, those of you who know a little bit about me, would know that normally the conversation would have ended right there. Better off as a observer, if I think somebody is getting too close for comfort, or if I'm unsure of what to say or do, my first reaction is to walk away. But somebody I made friends with very recently, told me that every once in a while, I need to decide when to be an observer, and when to get involved. This time, something told me to get involved.

Without any idea why, or where this was going, I asked him why he wanted to know the answer to that question he had posed me.

“Well, I’m trying to prove a theory I’m working on. Everything in time has a definite beginning, and a definite end. And since time determines everything, almost all details about a person can be determined by a particular time any event occurs. For example, the time that you met me, this moment, can tell me, or in theory should have told me, your birth date at least. I can’t believe I got it wrong”.

Somewhere inside, I was quite thrilled at being an anomaly – different from the rest - rather than just another correct statistic in his research theory. Small kicks I get from life.

He then went on to tell me more about his theory. I would have loved to pen it down, or commit it to memory so that I could have reproduced it here better. He stated quotes attributing them to Einstein, and a couple of other scientists, and philosophers, and used words like “astrophysics”, “quantum”, “particle physics”, etc. One quote that I think he used was “The start and end of any event, is repeated at regular time intervals…” or something to that effect. Frankly I wasn’t paying too much attention to what he was saying at this time. Anyways, after a little prodding, he began dropping hints at how this theory that he was working on back home in Pune, had been sent to a London university, and how they were bowled over by what they had read, and how he had been inspired to prove his theory right. A theory that, in his words, “would rock the nation.”

What was he doing in Bombay, and what was he doing at Bandstand? He had come to visit a friend, and something had gone wrong, and he had been forced to spend the night at Bandstand, out in the open. “You know how things get wrong sometimes…”

What was he doing in Pune otherwise? “I’m a student. Dad’s in the army, based in Kolkatta. Loves me a lot. Miss him a lot. I had been even selected to the 3rd round of Indian Idol (a very popular musical talent show in India, based on the American Idol theme) But Dad made me get out of it, as it would have affected my studies. They even called me for the Indian Idol Part 2, but he wouldn’t let me go. Say, you’re from Bombay right? You wouldn’t happen to know anybody from the entertainment industry would you?”

Aah, so that’s what it is, is it? Unfortunately I don’t. And I said that to him, and he instantly picks up the hint of disdain / scepticism in my voice. “You don’t have anything against the industry, do you?”

I thought about it a moment. I remembered some of the stories a close friend of mine told me when she was trying to break into the industry. She’s as tough as nails, but she refused to make the compromises that she would have had to, to get somewhere in the industry. She preferred to give up her dreams, instead. “No, I don’t. But I do know that it ain’t as easy to break into as it looks like. You need to make a lot of compromises, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you could end up being chewed up and spit out like a piece of stale and tasteless gum. But, to each his own. If you are ready to make those choices, to get to where you want to be, it’s your call. I don’t have anything against the industry or the people. At the end of the day, it’s just another means of a livelihood.”

He seemed pleased with that answer. Somehow, a clearer picture was beginning to form now in my head now. Starry eyed boy, with dreams of making it big in the entertainment business, coming in to Bombay, hunting down production managers, casting directors, assistant directors, talent agents, getting caught in the clutches of touts pretending to be all of the above. But, typically (and maybe I’m wrong here, I am speculating on this) the starry eyed people are from the far interiors of the country, with basic or no education, who come into Bombay with big dreams, and nothing else. Not well educated youngsters, from an Indian Army background (although I was less than 10 years elder to him, and I asked him to call me by name, he insisted on calling me a crisp ‘Sir’ – “It’s the army background, Sir, I can’t help it”) who go around quoting Einstein, and talking about theories in quantum and astrophysics. What about all that, I asked him. How does that fit into all this entertainment?

“That’s how I want to prove my theory, Sir. It’s a movie about how this theory works.” And he left it at that. So did I.

How long was he planning to be in Bombay. Did his parents know he was here? “Yes. Mom knows I’m here with some friends.” Although I bet she didn’t know her son spent the last night out on the streets, sleeping by the rocks of Bandstand. I didn’t mention that to him though. “I’m leaving for Pune this afternoon.”

By now, we had been chatting over an hour, and it was time for me to leave. I wished him all the best, and hoped that his dreams – about the Indian Idol thing, as well as the theory that would rock the nation – came true one day. He seemed rather disappointed to see me go, like the time you feel when you want somebody to talk to, but nobody’s around. He moved on though, and I drove away.

Before I reached the end of the road that takes me away from the sea face, I had a nagging feeling at the back of my mind. In fact, it had been there since he had first started speaking with me, and told me he had spent the night out on the streets. Something made me turn back, and drive all the way along the promenade to find him again.

There he was, sitting alone along the promenade. From a distance, that almost appeared to be me. A lost soul, staring into the ocean, into trying to get to terms with himself. At least he knew what he wanted. Seemed to know, anyways.

I pulled up behind him, and called out to him. I wanted to make this as matter of fact, and as less embarrassing - for both him and me - as possible. “You planning to go back to Pune today. Don’t mind me asking, but do you have the means for it? You got a ticket?”

For the first time since I had been speaking with him, he faltered. “I do. I mean I will arrange something. Don’t worry”. Bingo. No money, and no ticket back home. Stranded in a strange city. He planned to make the Bombay – Pune train journey, ticketless. Possible, but pointless.

I offered him a 100 Rs. note - all that I had at that time – but enough to get him some grub and a ticket to Pune. To his credit, he was reluctant to take it. He had not asked me for money at any time. But, I didn’t want a young kid to get crushed in the city. Bombay’s got a bad rep, as it is. And in some cases, deservingly so. There was no point in making him go through it.

He stood there for a good 3 or 4 minutes, not being able to look at me in the eye, thinking about what to do. He seemed like he was about to break down. He could have been an excellent actor, but something told me, beneath the tough exterior, he still was just an 18 year old kid. I could just imagine what my mother would have gone through if something like that ever happened to me, and I'm sure if his mother knew, what her son had been upto the past 24 hours, she'd be just as upset. As a human being, it was the least people could do for one another. And just to call it even, I told him whenever he got his theory published, he could put a thank you note for me in the opening credits;)

Finally he took it, and that’s where we parted ways again. For then.

The whole day I was restless though. Something told me he wouldn’t leave. He had a conviction in his eyes, that said, he needed to do something. Prove a point. Maybe he had run away from home, and had lied to me that his mother knew where he was. After five or six uneasy hours at home, I decided to check Bandstand once again, to make sure he had actually left. He could have been anywhere, but something told me, if he was in Bombay, he would still be at Bandstand. It’s that kind of a place.

After a minute or so driving along the promenade, I saw him again. He was still sitting, almost exactly where I had left him. The afternoon train to Pune was long gone, so either he had tricked me or there seemed another possible explanation why he had stayed behind. I observed him for a while, without being seen myself. He made a phone call from a cell phone borrowed from somebody else. At least the guy was resourceful. Wasn’t such a lost kid after all. Had a way with people. Walked around, sipping a cola. He finally saw me, staring at him. I had half expected him to run. But he walked on over to me instead.

Wasn’t he supposed to be on a train to Pune by now? He asked me, why was I there? Something had triggered off a chain of thoughts in my mind, and that’s why I wanted to check up on him, I said. I asked him whether he had in fact run away from home, point blank. He said no, his mother truly knew he was in Bombay, but she didn’t know anything about the movie people he was meeting up with. In fact, he was meeting a production guy at 5:30, and that’s why he had stayed back. He would be returning in the night. I asked him his mothers phone number in Pune. Better to check with the story rather than have him lie, and get in trouble later. Messaged his mother, asking her to call her son up on my cell number. In a few minutes, she called up, asking for him. She didn’t sound hysterical - like someone whose son has run away from home - so that was a good start. So, she did know he was in Bombay, and I made him tell her that he would be home for dinner.

I still wasn’t convinced about the smartness of his decisions, so once again, I tried my best to put the pros and the cons of what he was getting into. He told me he had a plan. Gave me the names of the people he had met, and those he planned to meet. How everybody had been a real good to him and had tried to help him, except me. Huh? So, I had been bad to him? Now, I was slightly miffed.

“No, no, not that. You’re the one who’s been exceptionally helpful, nobody’s gone out of the way as much as you have.” Now, I was blushing. Its bad enough to try and help somebody without making a big deal out of it.

Finally, after spending a half hour with him again, listening to his gameplan, for his theory & research, I warned him that if he wasn’t in Pune by the next morning when planned on calling his mom to check up, I would set the Mumbai police loose on him. By now, I had enough information to track down his possible movement in Bombay, people he planned to meet, offices he intended to go. He promised he would be home, by the next day. And making sure that he still had enough money to get back home, I left him there at Bandstand once again.

As I drove away, he waved out to me, and I stopped the car for a second.

“You are truly the odd one out, Sir. Remember that. Thanks for everything.”

It took me a second to figure out what he meant by that. Then I remembered my words to him in the morning. Strangely, that was one of the best things somebody has ever said to me.

At that time, I knew he was going to be okay. At least for this time. The vultures weren’t going to take him, just yet. For now, he was smarter than them.

This morning, I went to the same spot I met him yesterday. Feeling more like a patronising uncle, or even a concerned parent, than an absolute stranger that i really was, I called up his mother’s cell number. The first time, the machine told me “Please check the number you have dialled”. My heart skipped a beat. Was he okay? Had I made a mistake of leaving him alone? I tried again, and this time, his mother picked up the phone. I asked her if I could speak with him. And as she handed the phone to him, and after I spoke with him for a minute, wishing him all the best for the future, I was finally relieved.

The starry eyed one who managed to make it home, safe and sound. He, too, was the odd one out.

God, for the briefest of moments, it felt good to be human again, in the truest sense of the word.